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Sharing your Bed

When you just can't fall asleep at night, think about this.

paul-johnston-331707I always used to think sleeping alone was a terrible thing. It was absolutely treacherous to fall asleep with so much space on the other half of the bed when it was “meant” to be filled with someone else. But what nobody tells you is, just because you sleep next to someone, doesn’t mean that they belong there or that you’re going to sleep any better. In fact, sometimes it’s quite the opposite.

Think about it. Our bed is our sanctuary at the end of a long day. It’s supposed to be our one place we can go to rest and even clear our heads, sink into the comfort of our pillows and soft sheets after a long day or week. It’s where we dream, where we are intimate with others (and sometimes maybe even ourselves). We sit there reading, watching tv, sleeping in, dreaming, making love, eating, maybe even cuddling with our children. It’s a very special place. It’s our “safe” spot. And while we all know that it’s hard enough to fall asleep as it is, if we have someone else lying next to us that makes it harder to fall asleep, it makes us sometimes question what they’re doing there.

I used to think that snoring was a terrible thing. I HATED that my ex-snored every night. It took me hours to fall asleep and I resented him for it because I’d wake up exhausted like I hadn’t slept at all. I was grumpy, walking around like a zombie, looking forward to just coming home and doing what…going right back to bed. But the strange part is when we broke up… I couldn’t sleep any better at all. In fact, I missed the snoring. And because we were on again off again, when we did start seeing each other after months of being apart…the snoring was like white noise to me, and I fell asleep like a baby when he’d stay. It was comforting to me. I don’t know if it was actually the snoring as much as it was having someone that I loved and missed next to me again that I missed. But none the less, it was nice.

What’s not nice? What’s not nice is sharing your bed with someone after terrible sex. And when I mean terrible sex, this can encompass many avenues. You ever have intentions of having great sex and it turns out to be super disappointing, then the person wants to cuddle afterward? Or maybe the fact is you had hoped they would want to cuddle…and they didn’t. But now, you’re sharing a bed, laying there wishing you would have been more fulfilled. And now you have to sleep next to this person, who may or may not want to cuddle with you…pissed off, resenting them, feeling let down or disappointed, while they get to sleep peacefully. They’re probably snoring, feeling great from head to toe and you’re lying there staring at the ceiling or wall, praying for a miracle so you can get some rest, thinking about the terrible sex you just had. Then you start thinking about why you are even in this position that you are. Their body is like a furnace and you just want to sprawl out, and they keep holding on to you and you’re sweating your ass off…but you just want your own space. “You didn’t even get me off. You’re basically good for nothing, why are you even here?!” you ‘re thinking. “ And now you want to CUDDLE?!” How dare them, right?
One thing I’ve learned from being single, and sharing my bed with people who may or may not have belonged to be in it is this. Sleep is essential. It’s sacred. It’s necessary for us to be able to think clearly, function as productive human beings and solve problems. Without a full night’s rest, we’re basically good for nothing. Unless you’re in your twenties and you can get away with only sleeping four hours a night after drinking and having careless bouts of meaningless or meaningful sex. But honestly, think about it. Sleep is one of the best things in the world. It’s so refreshing and so peaceful. This is when our body gets to work out our problems and repair itself. Our dreams are often our subconscious trying to make sense of things and our brain turns them into weird symbolic journeys that we wake up questioning if we’re lucky enough. And to sacrifice that for someone who doesn’t mean very much to us is kind of silly.

You don’t have to share your bed with someone. Honestly, I’d much rather sleep alone and rest well than have someone sleeping next to me for the sake of not being alone. Because you know what? There are worse things than being alone. It’s got such a negative stigma to it, and we think people are going to feel sorry for us and look down on us for being single. But the fact of the matter is… sleeping alone is kind of special. And unless you are sharing your bed with someone that allows you to rest better than what you would if you were alone… you really shouldn’t be sleeping with anyone.

Share your bed with whoever you want. But when you start feeling exhausted because you’re not getting a full nights rest, it might be time to reevaluate what you’re doing and why. Not that what you’re doing is wrong… just make sure it’s what’s right for you and not just what’s right for someone else. You deserve a full night’s rest.

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