Well, we all know it hurts…like hell…when things don’t work out the way we had hoped. So now what?
I, unfortunately, have had my fair share (maybe even more so) of these unexpected turn of events. And when it happens, it sucks. Because you start to question yourself and blaming yourself, almost bargaining… hoping for answers you will probably never receive.
Psychologically, we’re told not to do these things. We’re taught not to self-blame, but you can’t help but wonder:
“What could I have done differently? What’s wrong with me? Why her over me? What do they have…better than me? ”
It took a long time to really grasp the concept that, although I have flaws (as we all do), some people just aren’t a good match.
And it sucks, but that is normal.
And once you learn to accept that fact, and put that other person’s feelings over your wants/needs, thinking about things from their perspective, it becomes a bit easier. We all, even your exes, have the right and desire to be happy and fulfilled.
If you’re lucky, sometimes they’ll explain themselves to you. But, most people seem to be afraid to communicate anymore so I wouldn’t expect an explanation or reason. You’ll be baffled for awhile while the blindets are on.
But in the end, unless you’re always getting a consistent response, none of that actually matters.
Sometimes, it just doesn’t work out. And that is all you’re going to get from the situation.
So now what? You’re still hurt. How do you make that nagging feeling of pain and hurt go away, now that they are actually physically gone, but still present in your mind/heart ?
And what if you run into them? Then what?
Here’s how I’ve adapted to heartbreak. Maybe its good, maybe its bad, but it works…for me. And maybe it’ll work for you, too.
- Go ahead and cry. Spend a few days moping/being sad. It’s okay to be sad. Own it. You can’t be sad forever and the pain won’t last forever. So just own it and let it out.
- Write about it. Sing along to songs that speak to you. You should progressively go from sad to angry, and at first it’ll be sad and somewhat pathetic but itll move to angry and empowering.
- Be angry. Instead of sitting around feeling drained, get mad that someone is able to have this power over you. And tell yourself its time to suck it up, that you are also deserving of love, respect and affection. You shouldn’t be crying over someone that isn’t sad over losing you. So be mad, and
- Forgive them for changing their mind and get ready to do the same. Start thinking about all the things you hated. Or think about what needs of yours that weren’t being met, and do those things for yourself.
- Do You. Get up, get ready, do your hair, shave your legs, paint your nails, wear something cute and be ready to take on the day. Buy yourself flowers. Paint. Journal. Go shopping (nothing crazy). Call your single friends and complain and make plans to do something fun. Take yourself out. That’s a perfectly good and healthy thing to do. So do it.
- And when youre ready, reactivate your online dating profile if you have one. Because guess what? You still got it. And you need to know that. You are still desirable. People are still interested. And you don’t need to be validated by anyone else but damn it, it feels good to be wanted again. Doesn’t mean you have to jump into anything, hence when I said when you’re ready… but yes, it helps.
- Prepare yourself for more disappointment. Because dating can be a treacherous process with high hopes and let down. It’s all part of the process. And with every terrible date, you’ll learn more about yourself and expectations in the process. You’ll learn what makes you happy, what makes your skin crawl and what drives you crazy, in both good and bad ways. This is where personal growth starts to occur. Because you’ll start getting fed up and hopefully start…
- Working on your own personal goals. Maybe now is a good time to reenroll in school, or take up new hobbies. Distracting yourself while working on yourself is not only inredibly therapeutic, its also incredibly attractive to other potential flames. You’ll exude a new confidence and smile that was temporarily absent. And nobody can take that drive away from you.
- Erase their number and block them. Its over. Treat it as so.
And when its all said and done, you’ll be so busy and preoccupied with your new lifestyle that the person who caused you heartbreak will be a distant memory. They will now be irrelevant, as they should be. And you should treat them accordingly, but in a classy manner.
And for now you only have to worry about yourself. Because the rest is history.
If I said it was easy to move through these steps, I’d be lying. You’re gonna need support, a team/tribe ready to remind you that it’s going to be okay. And if you are a loner, thats okay. It’s okay to be your own biggest advocate. Just
10. Always remember your worth. Have respect for yourself and know some things worth having don’t come easily. They take time. Healing takes time. Growth takes time. It’s a process.
Accept it, own it, and learn from it. Nothing in life is permanent, not even your sorrows. One day at a time…that is sometimes all you can do. And if thats your best, give it all you have. Make every day count. Because you dont get them back. Time is precious, and so are you. Just because someone else doesn’t see your worth doesn’t mean it isn’t there. You are worth more than you know, and capable of more than you realize.
One day at a time. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other… That’s how we move forward.
You got this. One day, it will hit you like an epiphany. You’ll look up, awaken within, and see the sun shining through the clouds where there once was gloom.
And suddenly, you’ll start to feel alive again and you’ll know that it’s all going to be okay.
It’s always okay in the end. And luckily, its not even close to the end.