Before you go “ghost” on someone… begore you just start ignoring text messages, phone calls or otherwise going M.I.A., i’d like you to think about what you’d feel like if someone did that to you.
Sure, it’s the easy way out. Maybe you don’t have the heart to potentially hurt someone’s feelings, so you think avoiding them will just allow them to get the hint. But this isn’t always the case. Especially if the other person is a decent human being with good intentions. Chances are, they’ll more likely than not make excuses for you because they want to believe that you are also a genuine human being with a good heart. They want to believe or actually expect that you might have had something bad happen, and will end up either worrying about you (because they care)and/ or waiting to hear your explanation as to why things have suddenly changed.
And until you’ve been in these shoes, you might not completely grasp what that feels like to think things are going well and have someone disappear into thin air. When that happens, people start to question their self worth, wondering what went wrong or wondering if YOU are okay.
Because it doesn’t make sense to someone when things are seemingly going well and then all of a sudden, someone disappears.
Nobody deserves to have that burden on their mind.
And regardless of whether or not you like or dislike that person , you should have some sort of common decency to communicate what happened internally to give them the closure they need to move forward.
It might hurt their feelings to be honest. But that doesn’t mean honesty has to be brutal or uncivilized. A simple explanation is considerate enough, although intimidating at times, and should be common courtesy.
It doesn’t matter if you like or hate the person, you owe them that closure. It’s the right thing to do. Because God only knows that if the roles were reversed, you would want to know what went wrong or what you need to do differently if you pushed someone away.
People need the opportunity to learn from things and grow as a human being. Denying someome the information necessary for one to introspect and reflect can damage not only their self worth but their outlook. And just because it didn’t work with you doesn’t mean that it won’t work with someone else.
So before you just disappear, suck it up and at least say something like, “Listen, I really appreciate you taking the time to get to know me. And after spending time together, I’ve realized that we may not want the same things or we may not be feeling the same way. I’m sorry if I hurt you by saying this but I want us both to be happy moving forward and since I respect you as a person, I want you to know that.”
Something simple, apologetic but classy. You don’t have to lie, you don’t have to be harsh. But at the very minimum, you should at least have to let them know it’s not going to be going anywhere romantically.
People all want and need to feel loved and appreciated, and part of that comes from respect from others and oneself .
So don’t be the one to crush someone’s view/hopes on relationships just because you are unwilling or unable to offer them what they want or need.
Nobody said it was going to feel good saying goodbye, especially if you are trying to avoid hurting the other person.
But being honest is a lot less damaging and hurtful in the longrun if you do it like a civilized adult over being a coward who only seemingly cares about him/herself and their own feelings.
If its time to close that chapter, that is okay. Just don’t run from your problems or fears at the expense of someone elses ego, pride, sanity or peace.
It’s much better to hurt them with honesty than it is to hurt them with space and uncertainty.
Its time people started growing up and stop running from their fears and insecurities. Life is too short to be unhappy so don’t be the reason that others are sad or insecure. Give them the closure you’d hope for if you were in their shoes.
Thats the right thing to do, don’t you agree?