Relationships and dating

Cancerous Habits in Relationships

Sometimes, people can be just like cancer. Know when to say goodbye to the tumor of a partner in a toxic relationship.

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Photo Credit by: Tony Lam Hoang

By: Elle Alexander

It’s funny how we can justify staying in a situation that is unhealthy for us because the amount of time we’ve been involved with that person prior. We feel like we “owe” something to that person because they’ve been in our life for such a long time, in spite of the way that things have transpired and changed. What used to be a happy, fun relationship is now plagued by things that leave us feeling everything less than such.

Probably one of the hardest things to do is actually moving on when you’ve been attached to someone for years on end, and I believe that is why. Part of us wants to believe that there’s a great person deep down underneath all of the discord and turmoil, even though at face value things are incredibly unhealthy. We remember what the person used to be like, not who they actually are. Because the person that we used to know was what we wanted to see when things were good, often ignoring the negative things that were only slightly apparent in the beginning.

Society makes us feel defective if we’re not in a relationship. We often feel the need to prove people wrong and end up staying in situations much longer than we should, just to save face. So what if it doesn’t work out? Not everyone is meant to be together. We all deserve to be happy, right? So if you repeatedly give it your best and it still doesn’t turn out in your favor, shouldn’t you evaluate your own happiness and whether or not you’d like to move forward?

Just because someone is in your life and things are official doesn’t mean that you need to stay with that person or that you owe them (or anyone else) anything. What exactly are you trying to prove? That you can tolerate pain and misery longer than you need to?

Cancer doesn’t happen overnight. As a matter of fact, it often goes undiscovered until it starts causing problems and symptoms that interfere with our well-being and we start suffering as a result. By then, it’s years later…but even though that’s part of who we are, and we are literally attached to it…doesn’t mean we should stay attached to it. Cut that shit out so you can get better, right? Get rid of it at all costs. It’s malignant and it’s eating away at you, slowly but surely, until it takes over completely and you have no control of the situation anymore.

Relationships and friendships are often the same way. Just because someone has been in your life for a long time doesn’t mean you should keep them there if there’s apparent issues present that are not able to be resolved. Because some people are just like malignancies.

I don’t know about you, but if I find a cancerous growth, i’m not going to keep it there because it’s been there for a few years and this is it’s “home.” No. That tumor is getting excised as quickly as possible so I can return to “normal” sooner more than later.

I’d actually like to enjoy what’s left of my life because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. I don’t want to sit around and be miserable waiting for things to change in my favor when I am in fact, in control of my own happiness and those who contribute to it (or rob me of it). You are too.

Granted, we have things that are often outside of our control but for the most part, we’re in charge of our choices and the consequences that result thereof. So keep that in mind when you’re deciding whether or not to keep cancerous people in your life moving forward just because you’ve “been through so much together,” or know what they used to be like.

Promise if you start putting yourself first for once and stop making excuses that this won’t even be an issue.

Yes, goodbye is hard. Readjusting to things is hard. Breaking out of bad habits is hard. But continuing to smoke is easier than quitting and it eventually leads to lung cancer, heart disease, CAD and other issues that require surgical interventions to survive if you don’t go suddenly without warning, as many do…

So with that being said, I guess comfort zones aren’t always a good thing, now are they?

 

 

 

 

 

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