By: Elle Alexander
And just like that, I woke up. It was almost like I’d been standing on the edge for such a long time and I finally fell in over my head, without warning. Water rushing into my lungs, feeling suffocated, unable to breathe. I thought I knew how to swim, but I guess not that well.
Feels like the waves keep crashing into me and I keep going under, struggling to come back up for air.I’m tired and I don’t know how much longer I can fight this current. Or Maybe I should just stop fighting and accept this fate.
Maybe while I’m down here I’ll just learn how to transform into a fish, perhaps. Maybe I should just embrace the waves and close my eyes and allow myself to drown so I can float back up to to the surface when it’s over with, and I can finally be at peace. Or maybe more realistically, this is a rebirth of sorts that I wasn’t quite prepared for, thanks to you.
I think it’ s great to find yourself in depths you haven’t explored before, but at the liking of yourself and your choosing. I’m sure the experience would be a lot more enjoyable had I decided to dive in to the water as opposed to being pushed when least expected. If the waters were calm, I’d be able to take in all the beauty from places I’d never been and parts I’ve never explored, exposing a richness to my soul that wasn’t present prior. But drowning in things can take you to the exact same place, but whose pushing who in to the water?
Maybe perhaps it’d be a good time to close my eyes and hold my breath, and start believing in miracles or mermaids. Because at this rate, the only thing I have left to do is dream to take away the crushing feeling inside that consumes every waking moment since crashing into the bitter reality that…
Everything I believed in was a lie. YOU were a lie. And you did this at the worst possible time.
But…eventually this storm will pass. They always do. And I guess for now, I’ll just hold my breath and say my prayers. Maybe I’ll end up further out than planned and maybe I’ll come back more damaged than before.
Or maybe I’ll end up being resuscitated somehow into the person I used to be before all of this, if someone can bring me back to life again. But one thing is for sure…
You won’t find me sitting around without a life jacket for awhile when I come back.