By: Elle Alexander
The more I date, the more I realize that there’s no way i’ll ever fall in love again unless I meet someone who is equally damaged and vulnerable. It’s hard to love people like me, because we’ve been through too much and after being let down repeatedly have become skeptical and overly analytical and cautious.
They say that once a person has had a heart attack, it will always register on an electrocardiogram that the area has been damaged. It never fully heals. The muscle gets robbed of oxygen and slowly becomes damaged and dies. That part of the heart muscle will never work the same again. Relationships are kind of the same way.
When someone is experiencing a heart attack, the muscle is dying, crying for oxygen and air. It’s cramping, reacting and fighting for whatever might be left, trying to overcompensate. It starts to overwork, giving too much too fast, and then it often gives out. It has worked so hard that it just stops. It’s exhausted all of it’s effort trying to make things right that there’s no longer anything to give. Animation of a Heart Attack
That’s when someone else has to come in and bring it “back to life.” That’s when chest compressions and rescue breathing come in. That’s when defibrillators come in. The heart has tried so fucking hard to keep up and make things right, it literally has exhausted itself.The Cleveland Clinic: Heart Facts
You think after people experience that sort of thing that they would just ignore any future chest pain? Probably not. Same thing goes with people who have been damaged. And chances are, those that care about the person (like family, friends, maybe physicians and specialists) are going to try and warn the person to avoid things that would lead to that again in the future. This is when medications get prescribed or lifestyle changes must be made. Same thing goes with relationships.Recovery for Chest Pain
Think about how important your support system is in your comfort and sanity. There’s a reason that people isolate their victims when they’re in abusive relationships. Look at the role of the support system.
Once you experience something painful, anything that resembles that same pain is going to cue you into being more cautious or backing out completely.
If you pay close attention to patterns and human behavior, similar personality types behave in similar ways. So it’s a lot easier to predict the path/outcome if you’ve already been on the same roller coaster.
So ask yourself this, if it feels like a ride you’ve already been on, how many times are you going to go in circles before you get off? Isn’t it maybe time to start considering other options?
The problem is, we don’t always figure this out until we’re already strapped in. That doesn’t mean you’re trapped forever, though. At some point, there’s going to be an opportunity to hop off and move along. That’s your cue to do so. Unless of course you want to keep reliving the past, which if you do, that’s your choice.
I remember when I was on a ferris wheel in 9th grade and I got so nauseous that I literally had to ask them to stop the ride and let me off. I’m the same way now. I don’t wait for it to be over and hold my breath. Get me the hell off. When it’s more miserable or nauseating than fun, I want off and I want off now.
I’m just one whose been through enough to know that I’m not one for roller coasters or chest pain. I’ve tried a lot of different rides, but they’re always the same. The buildup and anticipation is exciting until the sudden and unexpected drop off. It goes so fast before your eyes that you become afraid and often don’t even keep them open. It’s moving too fast for you to even take things in. Some people find this exhilarating, but I find it terrifying.
I’m more of the kind that wants to travel to places I’ve never been, and take the time to enjoy the surroundings. The smells, the scenery, the culture. I want to experience things I’ve never experienced before. Don’t keep putting me on the same terrible ride I got stuck on years prior that made me want to throw up. I’m not a fan. I don’t want anything to do with that.
I also don’t make excuses for pain. If it’s present, I own it and I try to get rid of it.
And … that’s probably why I’m still single. I’ll sit on the bench while the others stand in line for the same inevitable outcome. And if at some point while I’m sitting down, I happen to meet someone who hates the same rides, maybe we’ll find out we have more in common than just that bench. In the meantime, I don’t mind being a bystander…This is me until then:
Good luck to you, if you’re lost. If you’re on a ride just waiting it out, I feel for you. If you’re not sure which direction the ride is going to go, close your eyes and take it all in and trust your gut. You’ll know when you’re on the “wrong ride,” it just might not be as fast as you’d like to find out. But in the meantime, you’re not alone. I understand. And I have faith in you.
A soundtrack for this blog. Enjoy.