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Double standards

Awkward conversations during open relationships, FWB, or casual dating can and should be avoided.

By: Elle Alexander

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It’s funny to me that people get angry or upset with someone for behaving the same way that they do/did. And i think its a huge eye opener, but I never truly understood it.

A lot of guys seem to want the female(s) they’re seeing to act faithful when they refuse to commit.  And a lot of girls go along with this behaving like they are in a committed relationship when its not, to try and “prove” themselves worthy of the girlfriend status to a guy who is giving them excuses/ reasons for not being ready for a relationship. Girls think that maybe if they do this, the guy will just open his eyes eventually and it will all pay off… 

But it generally doesn’t work that way, now does it?

I was talking about this with a few of my guy friends and the general consensus was the same.

There are going to be guys who give you false hope, because they like being able to keep you at arm’s length without losing the “benefits.” If they say they’re not ready it just means that you’re not the one. They want to keep their options open just incase; youre giving them something they like for the time being…but youre not what they’re looking for in the end. But yet, they still have you right where they want you. They just don’t want to share.

Men enjoy the chase. They will pursue what they want and won’t stop until they get it. With that being said, they would rather earn it or work for it, like in a sport, with the trophy being the outcome from all their hard work. It wouldn’t be nearly as exciting if someone else just gave them the trophy; they enjoy putting the work in and earning it. And they don’t want anyone else ruining that.

Men want to believe that they have something rare and untarnished. They don’t want used phones or televisions, they want new ones that nobody else has touched or used. Would they be just as happy with the same product if it worked just as well? Not if they know the background/history. They want it to be special or unique to them.

Men will tell you that they aren’t going to judge you. But once they hear the truth, it can’t be unheard and while they might say they don’t care about your past (or even maybe your present) they do. 

This sets up a lose-lose scenario if youre in an open relationship or casually dating people. Youre damned if you tell the truth and youre damned if you don’t. So what are your options?

Honestly, Id strategically establish early on a don’t ask-don’t tell policy. A mutual respect needs to be in place and if there’s no chance of your choices affecting the health of this person it’s really not pertinent so irrelevant details should never be discussed. Nobody has the right to ask you if they won’t commit. Theyre just being nosy so they can continue to feed their ego/self-esteem at the expense of yours if you allow them.

Your benefits or coverage details  aren’t anyone else’s business. Don’t get tricked into feeling like your honesty and forthcoming answers will earn you respect because it usually does the opposite. Trust me. 

If someone truly loves you, that wont change their mind about you. And someone who truly loved you wouldn’t put you in that position to begin with. ..by asking BC they like you for who you are now, not what you were then. Someone who truly wants to be with you wont allow another the opportunity for another man to take their prize so keep that in mind. 

Youre a precious stone, sweetheart. Not everyone is going to appreciate your beauty but you have to know your own worth. Don’t let others put you under examination if theyre not going to make the final purchase.

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