By: Elle Alexander
There have always been a lot of “rules” and advice when it comes to dating/sleeping with someone new, like
- Don’t kiss on the first date
- Don’t sleep with them until they commit to you
- Guys won’t commit to you if you sleep together too soon
- If you sleep with someone right away they’ll lose respect for you
Seriously, as if dating wasn’t nerve wracking enough. Now there’s rules involved? Just stop it with these rules already.
We have enough rules to follow in life and plenty of things that probably cause us to feel bad about ourselves as it is. Why add this to the mix?
Here’s the deal. These “rules” are all outdated bullshit. You know why? Because no two people are the same. Maybe they do hold true for some men, maybe for others they don’t.
I have had this conversation with two of my best guy friends and the consensus was the same. Sex doesn’t really ever ruin anything. Why? Because it’s fun. Well, when it’s good at least… So why should you feel bad about sleeping with someone if you enjoyed yourself?
Just because you slept together right away doesn’t mean the guy will lose interest or write you off. Because there are no guarantees that waiting to sleep with someone will make them stay, either. You have to do what feels appropriate for YOU.
And honestly, if they do “ghost” you afterwards, they’re doing you a favor because they’re probably a judgemental prick. And who wants more of those in their lives? That’s like the trash taking itself out.
It’s really nobody else’s business what anyone thinks about your sex life because guess what? It doesn’t include them! (Cue clapping)
I get that these rules were put in place for a reason. We want to teach people to “respect themselves” and their bodies. I’m sure the intentions were good.
And I’m not saying we should teach people to wrecklessly sleep with tons of people. Because there is nothing wrong with being conservative and waiting. What I’m saying is this:
What we should be teaching and encouraging is self love and owning your decisions and being happy with who you are. Because at the end of the day, you live with your choices, not anyone else. We should be teaching others to be proud of who they are and own it, and not shame or judge others.
So what if you slept together “too soon.” Was it fun? Did you enjoy yourself? Do you even want to see this person again?
I’ve been in long term relationships after what I thought I had for sure acted too quickly in. Hell, my best friend is engaged to her “one night stand” after five years together. These rules don’t apply to all of us.
Not everyone wants a relationship or is ready for one. This used to be the gold standard of the American Dream, with a white picket fence, a couple kids and a good job. But with climbing divorce rates, people are starting to focus more on personal growth and achievement, education and financial stability over love. And you know what? I commend that.
If you want to have casual sex or sleep with someone, do it on YOUR terms. Just be careful and protect yourself. There are a lot of risks involved and your health shouldn’t be one of them. Get your regular check ups, use protection, be honest… The rest is nobody’s business unless you choose for it to be.Numbers included.
We need to stop asking people how many people they’ve slept with. That’s nobody’s business but yours so tell someone that if they ask you.
Quit worrying about the rules. Make your own rules.